I posted on Facebook that I had something that I've wanted to talk about for a very long time. I've always been scared and ashamed of this up until very recently.
So here goes.
On June 26, 2011, I heard a doctor tell me for the first time: I have bipolar disorder. I was very apathetic about the diagnosis. It was one of my biggest struggles of adolescence.
I was told many times that this is something I shouldn't tell people. People around me suggested that I should remain ashamed of having this condition. I thought that no one cared about them - so I ignored those feelings. My suffering was silenced and I felt like I was forced to deal with it on my own. You may not be able to imagine that feeling and I hope you never do.
Since I will most likely be talking about these struggles in future posts, today I just want to clear up a couple misconceptions.
You are not "so bipolar." The weather is not "so bipolar." Bipolar disorder is a serious medical condition that can take away a person's ability to function. There are periods of intense mania alternating with deep depression. This depression goes much further from just feeling sad - it is almost crippling. Imagine not being able to get out of bed. It isn't laziness, you know that you need to get up.You try, but your muscles are too sore and you just can't face the thought of being in public. Then, perhaps days or weeks later, it's only euphoria. You would think that the feeling is enjoyable, and it may be for some, but for me, it is hell. When I'm like that, I don't get much sleep, if any. The flood of energy and the thoughts racing through my head cause me to make an ass of myself in public and in front of my family.
Next, whatever image you have in your mind about people with bipolar, forget it right now. We are regular people and you probably walk by one of us everyday. Treatment can be THAT successful. When I'm compliant with my medication, I've surprised some people by disclosing my condition. "But you're so normal..." is one that I get often. There, they were right. I am a normal person, just like you. My greatest wish is that I can be open about my illness like one would with diabetes or heart disease. You would probably understand if a person with diabetes was having a "sugar low" as my uncle (with type 2) describes it. It'd also be accepted for them to test their blood sugar before a group meal. Diabetes doesn't always flare up. My uncle is living a fulfilled life because of the treatment he receives. Likewise, I am living my own productive, full life. I ask that people try to better empathize with me. If I need to take medication while I'm with friends, I shouldn't feel embarrassed and I shouldn't feel like I have to hide it.
Bipolar disorder is a real, biological illness that can be linked to chemical abnormalities in the brain. It isn't the same thing, I would again like to use the comparison to diabetes (simply because I've been more exposed to it.). A person with diabetes isn't faking, they may just have a problem with their pancreas producing insulin. Likewise, my brain has a problem regulating the chemicals in my brain. It's simply the way my brain is wired.
I hope that this helps people understand that bipolar disorder is a real condition. Awareness needs to be raised, and I think that can only happen if people living with mental illness come forward. If we can do that, then people will see that they know one of us. Minds will change and perhaps we can get to a place where saying you have bipolar disorder (or schizophrenia, personality disorders, etc.) is just like telling someone you are diabetic. It's simply a health issue I face and I am in treatment so that I can live a fulfilled life.
Since I will most likely be talking about these struggles in future posts, today I just want to clear up a couple misconceptions.
You are not "so bipolar." The weather is not "so bipolar." Bipolar disorder is a serious medical condition that can take away a person's ability to function. There are periods of intense mania alternating with deep depression. This depression goes much further from just feeling sad - it is almost crippling. Imagine not being able to get out of bed. It isn't laziness, you know that you need to get up.You try, but your muscles are too sore and you just can't face the thought of being in public. Then, perhaps days or weeks later, it's only euphoria. You would think that the feeling is enjoyable, and it may be for some, but for me, it is hell. When I'm like that, I don't get much sleep, if any. The flood of energy and the thoughts racing through my head cause me to make an ass of myself in public and in front of my family.
Next, whatever image you have in your mind about people with bipolar, forget it right now. We are regular people and you probably walk by one of us everyday. Treatment can be THAT successful. When I'm compliant with my medication, I've surprised some people by disclosing my condition. "But you're so normal..." is one that I get often. There, they were right. I am a normal person, just like you. My greatest wish is that I can be open about my illness like one would with diabetes or heart disease. You would probably understand if a person with diabetes was having a "sugar low" as my uncle (with type 2) describes it. It'd also be accepted for them to test their blood sugar before a group meal. Diabetes doesn't always flare up. My uncle is living a fulfilled life because of the treatment he receives. Likewise, I am living my own productive, full life. I ask that people try to better empathize with me. If I need to take medication while I'm with friends, I shouldn't feel embarrassed and I shouldn't feel like I have to hide it.
Bipolar disorder is a real, biological illness that can be linked to chemical abnormalities in the brain. It isn't the same thing, I would again like to use the comparison to diabetes (simply because I've been more exposed to it.). A person with diabetes isn't faking, they may just have a problem with their pancreas producing insulin. Likewise, my brain has a problem regulating the chemicals in my brain. It's simply the way my brain is wired.
I hope that this helps people understand that bipolar disorder is a real condition. Awareness needs to be raised, and I think that can only happen if people living with mental illness come forward. If we can do that, then people will see that they know one of us. Minds will change and perhaps we can get to a place where saying you have bipolar disorder (or schizophrenia, personality disorders, etc.) is just like telling someone you are diabetic. It's simply a health issue I face and I am in treatment so that I can live a fulfilled life.
You are loved. Stay strong. Stay united, and fight out hate.
~A Millenial
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