How it feels

Hello and happy Sunday!

This is just a short narrative I've written to help others understand the thoughts, feelings, and motivations surrounding mania. I hope you enjoy.

4:30 pm

You just got off work and are getting in your car. You feel pumped. The customers were horrible today, but to hell with them. They can't take away your happiness. You blast your music and speed down the street.

5:45 pm

You've decided to go for dinner on your own. It's about time you treat yourself. You have bills coming up, but you go to an expensive restaurant anyway. You pull in the parking lot as you decide you'd rather go to your favorite place. It's all the way on the north side of town, but you peel out of the parking lot and change the radio station.

6:15 pm

You enter the little Italian place downtown, your favorite locally owned restaurant. You see a couple of your old high school classmates also waiting for a table. They weren't exactly the nicest, but this is one of the best nights of your life and you instantly strike up a conversation. You keep talking, surprised at your sudden ability to keep a conversation going. You have so much to say and can barely contain your excitement. They look uncomfortable and haven't said much, not near as much as you. You look at your phone, think of an excuse to leave, and dash out the door.

7:30 pm

You arrive home. You start to assemble the hookah you bought, even though you no longer smoke. But tonight is so perfect, you have to partake.

9:45 pm

You've been pacing around the apartment and you're getting bored. You put on your shoes and go for a run.

9:50 pm

You got a couple streets down and realize you need something to drink. You run back to the house to get your wallet.

10:15 pm

You just got back from the gas station with two drinks and a few snacks. You grab a powerade and take back off for your run.

11:30 pm

You're surprised you still have the energy to keep walking and running. Quickly, you go back home to listen to music and end up laying awake for the next two hours. 

3:30 am

You're still up and can't sleep. You keep getting up to walk around.

4:05 am

You fall asleep and wake up 4 hours later, feeling well rested.

Hope you enjoyed my first attempt at creative writing for this blog.

You are loved. Stay strong. Stay united, and fight out hate.

               ~A Millenial

Start the Conversation

Hello and happy weekend!

Tonight, I heard an advertisement from Bring Change 2 Mind, an advocacy group for mental illness. They were calling for people to start the conversations surrounding behavioral health. I was so excited to hear this. 

The stigma surrounding these issues can prevent people from asking for help when they need it. Which brings me to the conversation that I want to start:

How have you, or someone you know, been impacted by mental illness? 

This involves depression and anxiety. Leave your answers in the comments, I would love to hear your thoughts.

You are loved. Stay strong. Stay united, and fight out hate.

               ~A Millenial

Help for College Students

Hello and TGIF!

Today I wanted to talk to all of you that are college students struggling with mental health issues. There is help that you may not know exists.

I have a meeting today with disability services at my college to talk about possible classroom accomodations due to my health issues. Many people struggling with depression or anxiety (or anything else) would agree that it can make test-taking difficult. Also, sometimes the medication we are on can make us a bit groggy, which makes focusing difficult.

Colleges understand this and they want to help. Some possible options may be taking tests in a separate room or having a little extra time. You could also record lectures in case you were having problems focusing due to medication.

I hope that this will help someone who may be struggling with their coursework due to psychological issues.

Go check it out for yourself!

You are loved. Stay strong. Stay united, and fight out hate.

               ~A Millenial

Support Groups

Hello and happy !

Today I want to talk about an organization that I've been wanting to check out. You may have heard of them. The National Alliance on Mental Illness, or NAMI, works to make the world a better place for those with psychological disorders. They provide education to the community about mental health to help raise awareness.

I love that they are doing this. It's refreshing to see people take action on a small scale to help start a movement.

They help a lot of people. What interested me most about them were the groups that they offer. There was such a variety of diverse issues. There were at least 5 groups meeting every day of the week, except Sunday. I am planning on checking out the bipolar support group. By creating so many categories for groups, it becomes easier to be matched with people whose issues most closely match yours.

By what my doctor told me, there are so many different types of people who attend. Since it is community outreach, it is open to the public. By what I've heard, people of all economic classes meet there.

I cannot wait to try it out! I have not gone yet, but I will definitely be posting to tell you how awesome it is!

You are loved. Stay strong. Stay united, and fight out hate.

               ~A Millenial

Euphoric: My Life With Bipolar Disorder

Hello and happy Monday!

I posted on Facebook that I had something that I've wanted to talk about for a very long time. I've always been scared and ashamed of this up until very recently.

So here goes.

On June 26, 2011, I heard a doctor tell me for the first time: I have bipolar disorder. I was very apathetic about the diagnosis. It was one of my biggest struggles of adolescence. 

I was told many times that this is something I shouldn't tell people. People around me suggested that I should remain ashamed of having this condition. I thought that no one cared about them - so I ignored those feelings. My suffering was silenced and I felt like I was forced to deal with it on my own. You may not be able to imagine that feeling and I hope you never do.

Since I will most likely be talking about these struggles in future posts, today I just want to clear up a couple misconceptions.

You are not "so bipolar." The weather is not "so bipolar." Bipolar disorder is a serious medical condition that can take away a person's ability to function. There are periods of intense mania alternating with deep depression. This depression goes much further from just feeling sad - it is almost crippling. Imagine not being able to get out of bed. It isn't laziness, you know that you need to get up.You try, but your muscles are too sore and you just can't face the thought of being in public. Then, perhaps days or weeks later, it's only euphoria. You would think that the feeling is enjoyable, and it may be for some, but for me, it is hell. When I'm like that, I don't get much sleep, if any. The flood of energy and the thoughts racing through my head cause me to make an ass of myself in public and in front of my family.

Next, whatever image you have in your mind about people with bipolar, forget it right now. We are regular people and you probably walk by one of us everyday. Treatment can be THAT successful. When I'm compliant with my medication, I've surprised some people by disclosing my condition. "But you're so normal..." is one that I get often. There, they were right. I am a normal person, just like you. My greatest wish is that I can be open about my illness like one would with diabetes or heart disease. You would probably understand if a person with diabetes was having a "sugar low" as my uncle (with type 2) describes it. It'd also be accepted for them to test their blood sugar before a group meal. Diabetes doesn't always flare up. My uncle is living a fulfilled life because of the treatment he receives. Likewise, I am living my own productive, full life. I ask that people try to better empathize with me. If I need to take medication while I'm with friends, I shouldn't feel embarrassed and I shouldn't feel like I have to hide it.

Bipolar disorder is a real, biological illness that can be linked to chemical abnormalities in the brain. It isn't the same thing, I would again like to use the comparison to diabetes (simply because I've been more exposed to it.). A person with diabetes isn't faking, they may just have a problem with their pancreas producing insulin. Likewise, my brain has a problem regulating the chemicals in my brain. It's simply the way my brain is wired.

I hope that this helps people understand that bipolar disorder is a real condition. Awareness needs to be raised, and I think that can only happen if people living with mental illness come forward. If we can do that, then people will see that they know one of us. Minds will change and perhaps we can get to a place where saying you have bipolar disorder (or schizophrenia, personality disorders, etc.) is just like telling someone you are diabetic. It's simply a health issue I face and I am in treatment so that I can live a fulfilled life.

You are loved. Stay strong. Stay united, and fight out hate.

               ~A Millenial

One of My Fondest Memories

Hello and happy Tuesday!

I hope you're happy to hear from me again. You're just as amazing and beautiful as yesterday.

Today I want to talk about something that makes me happy. My last two posts may have been a downer, so I want to show you that this page has some positive topics as well. 

Since I'm new to blogging (except one I had for an English class), and since this is a new page, I'd like to tell you more about myself. I'd like you to get to know me, as I would love to hear from my readers! I want to be as personal as I can.

I would like to share with you one of my fondest memories from my childhood.

I was about five to eight years old and I remember I would go visit my great-grandmother in the nursing home with my grandparents. I don't mean this to be morbid because it's all I remember ever seeing her. 

At the entrance, there was this big bird display. I'm not sure what to call it. I've seen them in other nursing homes, so perhaps you know to what I'm referring. I would keep my family back so I could press my nose to the glass and watch them. This happened every time. The whole trip was almost down to a ritual for me.

After the birds, I stopped to see the fish, but only for a couple of seconds. I then would go straight to my great-grandmother and give her a hug. Next, I sat in the rocking chair. I would look around her room. I'd look out the windows blankly. I was always thinking about something. I've always been a daydreamer. 

Then Ma would talk to me. I know now that she was probably wanting me to feel included. She knew I was a bright kid. She encouraged me to grow into the best of my abilities. Then, I'd hug her a few more times before I left.

One time I went, my grandparents were talking about her being suck. I thought nothing of it. I was so innocent, I didn't quite understand that elderly people can often get sicker than others might.

I visited her again before my family headed home, which was a two hour drive from my grandparents. We got home. Maybe a day later, or maybe even that night, we got a call that my great-grandmother had passed away.

This was at an age when I was developing my first memories. I burst into tears. I remember feeling so devastated.

I choose not to remember that last part. I've been lucky enough to retain more of the good memories than the bad. I was even luckier to have known a love that strong so young.

You are loved. Stay strong. Stay united, and fight out hate.

               ~A Millenial

Advice for the Young Gay Men from a Gay Man

Hello and happy Monday!

Last time I said that I will post once a week, but I will probably do more than that. Who doesn't have an abundance of things to say?

Today I want to talk about something that has been on my mind for quite some time. Gender is a spectrum. There are different identities, preferred pronouns, and ways to express gender. I understand that and that is NOT what this post is about.

Now that we have that out of the way...

I am speaking from experience and I am aiming at young gay men. The boys about to turn 18, or the babies who just turned 18 and are finally getting out and being a part of the actual gay community. Or even those who have been able to be open and active in the community at a younger age. I see way too many young men who make their sexuality their entire identity.

Again, this isn't about gender expression. I am talking about forgetting every aspect of one's life except for their sexual orientation. I know it's exciting to finally be around other gay people and being able to make your own decisions. And you should be excited. You survived high school and that isn't easy for a gay boy. Congratulations. However, you have no idea how the world works, even though you think you do now.

You don't know who is out there. There are many people who may have malicious intent when speaking to you. They may be nice and charming. Don't get me wrong, but if you go to gay bars or clubs, you need to be careful. Yes, you should be excited that you are an adult now, but you need to know the dangers out there and know that people may hurt you. Not everyone is like this and I'm not saying you shouldn't make new friends. Your high school friends are history, you need new friends.

Keep your guard up though.

I'm sorry if this post was a bit of a downer or buzzkill. Not every post will be like this. I may even make one funny. We'll have to see what mood I'm in ;)

You are loved. Stay strong. Stay united, and fight out hate.

               ~A Millenial